Private Thoughts and Imaginations...

The National Technology Parade 2008

2007-09-14T17:18:00.000+03:00

Are you an undergraduate IT, electrical, computer or mechatronics engineering student in a Jordanian university? Do you have an idea for a project? and do you enjoy team work? If yes, then this is your chance to be creative and innovative, this is your chance to participate, compete and win. You might even be granted a job too!

for further details and information, please check the following website:
http://fetweb.ju.edu.jo/tp/

Give it a try, you've got nothing to lose :)

Good Luck ;)

Ramadan Kareem :D

2007-09-14T17:13:00.000+03:00

Baby 3abood Pictures ;)

2007-07-17T00:41:00.000+03:00

I hope that u'll enjoy them :D (ain't he cute!)

and the last is 1 of my favorite ;)

The Point of NO RETURN!

2007-06-21T23:58:00.000+03:00

i was talking to a very good friend of mine at uni today, and during our "vague" discussion, i realized that we both share the very same fear, although neither of us knew or had a clue what the other had in mind :)

it was the fear that we get when we reach a point where we can no more decide whether we should take a certain step in our lives or not, coz once u take that step, there is no way back, u can either win it all, or ur either going to lose everything :) and u have no idea how things are going to end... but at the same time, if u don't take ur chances, u r going to lose a lot, for such chances only occur once in a life time, and ur time is running out... and although u can never tell what might happen (or not) in both cases, u have to decide...

perhaps it's the fear of failure, or simply just fearing the unknown or what to expect... fearing that things won't end up the way we hope, or that they would end in a horrible way and destroy all ur hopes and dreams... that it would be the biggest mistake in ur life ever :)

although we didn't get to a final solution, and we still have fears, i can only say that i've enjoyed this type of what i call a "higher level" communication, i guess am lucky to have found such a friend :)

the thing is, if u were in our shoes, what would u do? would u take ur chances, knowing that u won't be able to fix things if they go real bad, or would u choose to skip, and wait in hope that another chance as this "might" occur later in ur life when ur ready to take it?

Finally, a post ;)

2007-06-16T23:51:00.000+03:00

i know it's been a while since i've last posted (about 4 months now!), but i was really touched by the fact that lots of you (specially David, Tala, Kinzi, Dar and samir amongst others) kept on visiting this blog in hope that i might post something new :)

where did i vanish, and what happened during the past 4 months? it's a long story :) (actually i felt like i was living in an indian movie since nothing around me made sense at all ;) a murder, a robbery, a fire, a play, a weird engagement and a messy last minute graduation project. i know that u probably won't believe any of what i'll say, so i'll just keep it all for myself ;) all i can say is that during the past months, i have learned a lot, and i have pretty much changed :)

i have chosen to miss the graduation ceremony the i've been looking forward to for the past 5 long years of my life, and am mad enough to consider getting a masters degree! but the good thing is, i made it, i have managed to survive through it all :D and i have no regrets what so ever... am just more sure than i ever was that God doesn't play dice... everything, no matter how unimportant it may seem to be, happens for a reason :) and although life can get really ugly, it still manages to show it's unique beauty in a magnificent way! i have realized that sometimes, perfection lies in the imperfection :D

what will i be doing now? i'll open a new page, or perhaps a new chapter in my life :) i'll take my chances and spread my wings (although i know that i might just be doing this to run away!)... where will i end? am just a rain drop... i guess like u, all i could do is wait and see ;) i just hope that my life would be worth living, and that i'll do something useful with it :)

till my next post, take care all :)

Temporarily Out of Service...

2007-02-24T19:44:00.000+02:00

I announce that this blog is temporarily out of service, I won’t be posting for a while…

I don’t feel like I have to give excuses, or that i owe any1 an explanation; for those who know me, know very well that I always have a good reason for my behaviors and actions.
I apologize for any inconvenience, but i also would appreciate it if you could accept my decision...

Ever Felt Like Maruko?

2007-02-11T23:39:00.000+02:00

My little sister used to be a big fan of Maruko, and we were all forced to watch it, but i mainly liked one thing about her, the face fault she had in reaction to embarrassment :)

last night, i was put in a very awkward position due to a huge misunderstanding, i never felt so embarrassed in my whole life, lol! i don't think that even Maruko has a face that could actually describe the way i felt :)

it really is funny, how fate sometime plays with us... like how some events happen at the very wrong time, and for u, everything seems to make sense at the moment, just to realize that it's completely the opposite :)

Yet, i do believe that everything, no matter how horrible it is, happens for a reason.... there is always a lesson that we can learn :) (even if we can't directly tell what it is!) ... part of what i learned was, sometimes those who care about u most, those who wish the best for u, and those who have always been there when u need, they do mean good when they advice u or when they give u a note, but i also do remember that one of my uni profs once told me, "if it ain't broken, then don't fix it!" i guess this too applies on us :)

sometimes, all we need is time... we might not be ready yet to accept a thought or an idea, or even a simple change in our lives.... sometimes it's better to give the person a chance to decide what he/she would like to do with their lives... we were created different, and each 1 of us has his own way of thinking, his own ideas and his own dreams, and that's what makes it fun to know other people, it won't be interesting if everyone thought about things in the very exact way!!! we're not copies of each other, and we shouldn't be, but we have to respect other's personalities and points of view :)

i also realized that the biggest debt u'll ever find urself in, is when some1 is being generously kind with u, coz u never know if u'll ever be able to do the same 1 day...

the point is, u can never change what happened... all u can do is lock it in a big box, try to forget, and smile :) life goes on... so should u :)

Valentine Cookies Party :D

2007-02-09T21:22:00.000+02:00

One of the good sides of being a female blogger in jordan is that you can actually enjoy gathering with other great ladies while having fun decorating delecious handmade cookies and talking about everything, including nonsense :D

Last night, we all gathered at MommaBean's house :) i had to follow Kinzi, whom i discovered that she's sort of my neighbor, and was kind enough to show me the way (thank you very much, i really appreciate it :)

I was afraid that i might not mingle very well, specially when i hardly knew anyone, and i've never met them before, but as soon as i met Kinzi, and saw how sweet she was with me, i realized it's going to be so much fun :) and it was ;)

There, we met TetaBean (who reads our blogs ;), JiddoBean, BabaBean, JujuBean, JuniorBean, and ButterBean :) MommaBean told us the secret of the Beans family :D (which am not gonna tell ;)

i also got the chance to meet the sweet Rebecca, Kinzi) and her sweet little treasure ;) Oula Farawati and her cute Natalie, Salam (Um Zaid) and her 2 adorable kids, and Khalida :)

it was a weird mixture of women, we were from various ages, different cultures, variety of majors and back grounds, but we all had 1 thing in common, blogging :) (and our love for cookies ;)

Khalida and i had a nice little chit-chat, she shared me some of her life experiences, and it was really nice to know that she too is an engineer (which gave me hope that i might be able to find a job after graduation ;) she also made this beautiful duck and heart cookies :) (you really are talented !)

Oula Farawati made an adorbale little girl cookie wearing a cute skirt (i wish if i had an imagination such as urs ;), while Salam made an amazing frog :) the rest of us decorated stars and heart shaped cookies (what i wrote in the heart i made is our little secret ;)

The kids also made some cookies, but Zaid won the 3D cookies competition ;) JujuBean decided she wants to play "doctor" with me, she listened to my heart beats, measured my temperature and pressure, and gave me an injection :) but when she came to check my ears, she found out that i had no ears!!! she also decided that i have no hair at all :) it was fun convincing her that my ears and hair are (hiding), but she only believed me when she got to play "peek-a-boo" :) Jujubean also made me laugh when she looked at Kinzi and said "Mommy mommy, she has beautiful hair like i do!"

it really was fun to meet you all :) i had a great time, and i absolutely can't remember when was the last time i enjoyed my time this much :) thank you MommaBean for your hospitality, and am really sorry for all the mess we made :)

Am really sorry for the picture!

2007-02-07T00:09:00.000+02:00

Don't ask me why, but this how i currently feel!!!

i know that i should be feeling "happy", i mean, i got the funding that i wanted for my project, bought the laptop i wanted with even a much better price than what i had in mind, and i should be celebrating my blog and my scarf's anniversary, and every other thing is going perfectly right, but i just don't!

i can't help but think of how much i've changed in those past couple of years, is it for the better or is towards the worse, i really find it hard to tell!!!

i feel like am turning in to this dumb boring "machine"... i hardly do contact my high school friends, and when we're hanging out together, i can't find find anything to talk about, simply coz it's either that the topic is too silly to the degree i can no more follow up with them, or coz i have know idea what the $^*% they're talking about!
i don't think am depressed, i guess am just feeling disgusted by everything, every1, and me... i hate the person am currently turning into, and i hate the fact that am doing things that i would never have considered doing a couple of years ago... but above all that, i just can't stand the way some people around me think!!!

(plz don't call to check up, i'll be fine in the morning, just had to let it out!)

why i am not married yet!!!!!

2007-02-04T23:12:00.000+02:00

Lol, i got this by mail, hope u'll enjoy it as much as i did ;)

To all my friends who are not married yet... You will agree with this.

MUM& DAD - this is why I am not married yet!!

1. The nice men are ugly.
2. The handsome men are not nice.
3. The handsome and nice men are not normal.
4. The handsome, nice and normal men are married.
5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
7. The handsome men without money are after our money.
8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat normal, don't think we are beautiful enough.
9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are normal, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.
10.The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are normal, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!
11.The men who never make thefirst move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

NOW ....WHO REALLY UNDERSTANDS MEN?SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO THE GUYS YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!

The famous “five things you don’t know about me" tag!

2007-02-02T22:43:00.000+02:00

i thought i was safe, but seems to be it's revenge time ;) (tagged by Samir :)

1- The "L" word used to freak me out, now it's the "M" word ;)

2- I mainly live on sweets, i don't like meat, chicken or fruits much, and i really wouldn't mind not eating them at all :) (spare me the health tips!)

3- Am 177cm tall, and to me, high heels are much comfortable than flat ones, so it's not my fault if you're short, deal with it!

4- Am being "nice" coz i like being nice, not coz i want "something" from you, but if am being really mean, then it's coz you deserve it, maybe it's time you to ask yourself "why?"

5- i have a real bad memory, specially when it comes to names, faces, laws, and roads... It's been more than 2 years now since i started driving, the only roads i know are the way to uni, my high school, Um Uthaina, hardly 3abdoon, the airport, Swefieh (coz i used to live there) and makkeh mall :)

well, i'll leave the rest of the stuff to u to figure out ;) else, it won't be fun to hang around with me!!!

am tagging Tala (as usual :D ) Dar, Nar, Rowdyrascal and Yabco ;)

Finally bought a laptop :D

2007-02-01T21:45:00.000+02:00

thank you all for the advices you gave me, but i chose to get the toshiba satellite M100-222, since some didn't recommend HP much, and since MatLab and other pattern recognition and image processing softwares won't work with Mac, i figured out that the best choice left is the toshiba :) (although some didn't recommend it, but my sis has 1 and she never face any problems so far..) (but i still would have to pay a considerable extra amount of money to get an extra battery :( )
so far am happy with what i got ;) it's not heavy, and it's really fast :D hope it'll do for my project ;) (wish me luck!)

Laptops, What would you suggest???

2007-01-30T21:35:00.000+02:00

i guess it's time to live in the 21st century... i have to get a laptop, but having various brands out there such as dell, sony vaio, ibm lenovo, toshiba, fujitsu siemens, apple, hp, acer, compaq, averatec, asus, alienware, emachine, gateway, panasonic, samsung, LG, sharp, sager and others, doesn't make it easier to decide!!!

Anyway, according to the offers i got from our "beloved" jordanian market, my choices currently are:
1- HP Pavilion dv5278
2- Toshiba Satellite M100-222
3- Apple MacBook Pro (MA464LL/A)

Since am intending to buy 1 that is supposed to last for a very loooong term, i'd like to get all the computer power i can afford. it'll be used for long hours, heavy duty (image processing and similar stuff), which means that i'll be needing a reliable laptop with atleast 2 GHz Intel Core 2 Duo processor, 2 MB cache, 1GB DDR2 RAM, 100GB high performance HDD, long battery life, and does not weight more than 2.5 kg, with a budget that nearly does not exceed 1500JDs)

HP meets all the above, except for it's weight and size, which is a very important issue since i move a lot (but hey, it's just an extra .5 kilo afterall!)

Toshiba has much much better specs, it also weights less (the price is 150 jds more than the HP, and i believe it's worth it ;) but nothing is perfect... it has a very low battery life, and i don't think i'd like it if the battery decides to die while am in the middle of smth, and couldn't find a near by AC source... i hate recharging batteries!

Mac is just great, and i know it can boot from either Mac OS X or Windows XP, but i still donno how compatible it is with the available softwares in the market, and i still donno how much it's gonna cost...

So, experts out there and laptop owners, i really would appreciate it if you'd kindly give me your opinion :) thanks in advance!

p.s: i know that some have already asked me to get a dell or a sony vaio, but the offers i got weren't that great (either low speed or too expensive to get)

new babies pics

2007-01-26T17:29:00.000+02:00

Upon some of my friends requests, here are few pics :)

Meet the newest member in the family (7amoodeh's cousin)

(still doesn't have a name!)

Aya, Baby 7amoodeh and his new brother, baby Mu'ayyad

7amoodeh & Mu'ayyad

Sorry, but i still don't have baby A7mad, baby Nour(1), baby Nour (2), or Monther's twins pics! btw, u can always pass by a take a closer look ;)

No Comment, LOL!

2007-01-17T18:59:00.000+02:00

3a bab el masjed

I couldn't resist!!!

2007-01-06T15:23:00.000+02:00

ok, so one more post, i really can't help it :D (yea, i had another 1 of those real great days!!!)

Good Morning Sunshine! (the view from my window, 7:00 am)

Mantooseh (derived from man7ooseh, my beloved car) decided it's time to play "who has a flat tire!"

the good part was, i had Tala by my side (thanx a lot ;) and sorry for el sha7meh wel 6eeneh thing ;)

two young guys (both are in the 8th grade) Mohammad and Jihad, came to the rescue :) (in hope that they might be able to drive the car ;) (thanx guys!)

a police officer decided to park his car and watch (al shorta fee '7edmat al sha3b, lol) (well, we looked funny ;)

it was messy, we wasted a lot of time, but was sort of fun :D

anyways, time to study!!! c u all later ;)

it's hibernation time!

2007-01-05T15:10:00.000+02:00

can u see garfield in this cute pic??? well, i got jealous and decided to do the same ;)

yea right... in my dreams!!!

in short, i have to vanish for a couple of weeks, so till then, am leaving u with:

"Hello Spank" (click on the pic :)

Why do people want to get married?

2007-01-02T21:49:00.000+02:00

knowing that am running out of good excuses, and knowing that sooner or later, i'll have to face it, for it's going to happen, wether i liked it or not ... i realized that i can't keep on running forever... thus, i decided to find an answer that would sort of convince me... i mean, if i'll ever have to say "yes" to someone, then i atleast want to be certain the am saying it for the right reasons (well, i still can't find a good one yet... but i'll keep on looking ;)

Anyway, I’ve been asking people why do they want to get married, the summarized answers were:

It's the human nature, it is unnatural to be alone. That is why God made a mate for Adam. To some, getting married is their Number One priority, they believe in "Get married or die trying! "

People want to get married to ease loneliness and to fulfill some needs... fear of growing old alone is a major factor, all people want someone they can spend the rest of their lives with, someone who'll always be there for them no matter what's the situation... people sort of believe that marriage is a guarantee for them to never be lonely for as long as they shall live.

They want a friend, a companion, somone to talk and open up to, someone to share everything with, someone they can trust and love unconditionally, someone they'll always be able to forgive, someone to help them get organized and think outside the box, and someone who will always support them and would do all these back to them.

Men, in general, want to feel that they have grown up, that they are adults... they want to feel fulfilled as men, that they are responsible... they do that by starting a family and having kids... on the other hand, every woman wants the security of marriage, of having a guy she can call her own... Someone that could do all the odd jobs at home, and someone she can lay her troubles on at the end of the day...

They get married for 'multiplication', they want to have kids of their own, to have someone carry their names and create dynasties... at the same time, they also want to be called dad/mom... Some just do it coz it seems like the logical next step to do in their lives...

Some think that the only way to be happy is to be in a relationship. It is not the case but it is their perspective... they think that if they got married, then they'll fill the emptiness they are feeling inside, and they'll experience happiness for the rest of their lives, and that life is going to get better and worthwhile.

There are other reasons for why people get married, like wanting to be free from parents, or due to people's criticism and family pressure once a woman/man reaches a certain age... They feel like they have to get married, simply because everyone else is getting married... the spread mentality is that when boys and girls "grow up" they are "supposed" to get married, so we're actually conditioned to want the same thing in order to keep other family members happy and to gain social conditioning, recognition and respect.... it's what the society demands, and it's starting to get more like a tradition or a custom...

Another major factor is the "L" word... some think they fell in love, and they want to spend the rest of their lives with that special someone... People want to love, and they also want to keep on being loved and cherished, they want to feel "special"... they believe in "together forever" and "happily ever after"... (not gonna comment!).

There are non-romantic reasons out there too, men could want to marry someone for her money, or because of her dad's position and powerful contacts (and vice versa)... marriage can also be a pure bussiness relationship... it is known that there is a much better opportunity in getting a certain position or a job when you're married... health insurance, taxes, legal reasons, immigration purposes and lots of other stuff are made easier too...

Silly reasons for getting married include: they think marriage is going to be fun, wanting to have a huge party with all their friends and family gathered, and them being the center of attention... the dream of being a bride and wearing a beautiful wedding gown, going on a honeymoon, and getting all those fancy presents and gifts... and finally because they met someone who says that he/she loves them, and they're afraid that no one else would love them the same way (although they know that they don't love them back!!!)

But what i don't get is, some don't think there is an actual reason for getting married, to them it just felt like the right thing to do, and so they did it...

so, for those out there wanting to get married (and for those who already got married), what are your reasons :)

Happy Ad7a 3eed :D

2006-12-29T23:09:00.000+02:00

Kol saneh o into salmeen ya rab!

TAG: the best and the worst moment in 2006

2006-12-27T22:57:00.000+02:00

i've been tagged by mohammed (who is going to be tagged btw;)

i can think of lots of gr8 moments and lots of real bad moments that happened in 2006 :) i can't pick the best and the worse, so i'll just list some...

best momets:

-birth of baby mo2ayyad (plus all the other babies who actually came, and those who r expected to come soon) (it's the most peacful feeling in the world when he sleeps while being in ur arms :D )

-joining the IEEE team (i got the chance to meet real great people, especially the wonderful commitee members:)

-the three surprise birthday parties i had this year :) (although i was expecting 2 of them, they managed to really surprise me this time ;)

-chopsticks fight with tala, diana and rasha :) (am still having a good laugh at it;)

-going out to eat sunday icecream under the snow and having a snowballs fight with my sisters :D (that was real fun!)

-travelling to turkey and egypt again :) (this includes my sister's graduation party and my uncle being there for us :) (i know u probably won't ever read this, but i love u '7alo!)

-IEEE orphans iftar (although i sort of missed the fun part :)

-flying kites again with the kids and sitting by the sea in aqaba

-training in mobilecom (thanks for every1 there, especially eng. Younis, Samia, and Samar)

-this blog :) i met some real nice people here, and i love the idea of sharing thoughts and ideas with others... it made me think in a different way...

-when i got those nice comfy nine west shoes :D (i know i had to go back home with nearly nthg left in my purse, but they're really worth every penny i spent ;)

worse:

-when certain companies refused to train me just coz am a girl :) (yea, am gonna get them for this some day!)

-when samir entered while we were having the chopsticks fight (it was really embarrassing :)

-when my mom's bag was stolen a day before my birthday (and we thought that she might be having a heart attack on my birthday :) (glad she didn't ;)

-car accident less than an hour be4 adan during ramadan :) (i was going out with my friends to have iftar)

-when i got my PE mark :)

-mechatronics design project (i would have never made it without tala, thanks :)

-just when i thought that i've got the worst proposal ever, i had two even worse :) (i don't think it can get worse than that, or i hope it won't!)

-i lost a couple of very good friends (or i thought they were) coz after 7 years, i realized that they don't think of me the way i expected...

ok, that's enough ;) (or else i won't stop talking!) my turn to tag :D

Dar (revenge time ;) , Moammed, Tala, and Diana :) ur all tagged ;) (diana, u know what to do ;)

The Story of Little Birdy

2006-12-25T17:12:00.000+02:00

He was a little bird in a big beautiful golden cage; placed by the window ; enabling him to take a look at the outer world…
the cage was comfy and clean, it was always filled with food and water. There were some branches that the bird could jump on too…

At first, the bird was happy, and filled the house with its joyful singing; till one day; a couple of birds stood by the window where the cage was… they sung for a while, and then flew far far away…

The little bird no more sung… although the cage was big and he had everything he might need and even more; the bird felt lonely and that he was a prisoner... the cage was too empty for him… the bird wanted more, he wanted to go out, to get a chance to see what’s in the outer world, he wanted to meet other birds, to sing with them and fly far away and high in the sky, just like those two birds did… he wanted freedom…

The owners noticed that the bird was no longer happy, and were kind enough to open the door of the cage… the bird jumped a step or two closer to the door… he took a look outside, and another one inside… He felt too scared, what would he do when it gets too cold out there and starts raining? Where would he get food when it starts snowing? What will protect him from cats and other enemies he might face out there? the little bird kept on thinking…

A couple of seconds later, the bird flew up to the highest branch in the cage, it stood there, and with all the power that he had, he started singing again…

The question is, what would you do if you found out that this little bird was you?

No Time to be Sick!

2006-12-16T10:55:00.000+02:00

Extreme coldness and high fever, headache, fatigue, muscle weakness and pain, reddened watering eyes, sore throat, dry cough, nausea, sweating, vomiting, and a runny stuffy nose all caused by this cute 100 nm in diameter virion

I have no idea why do i keep on getting this sick when i have final exams and projects to deliver... what can i say, me is "lucky", very lucky indeed...

Nerds Tag

2006-12-04T18:21:00.000+02:00

I've been tagged, AGAIN, by Dar...

* Rules for this tag are:

Grab the closest book to you
Open Page 123
Scroll down to the 5th sentence
Post the next 3 sentences on your blog
Name the book and author
Tag 3 people

and since this was the nearest book (with more than 123 pages) i found,

The 5th sentene on page 123 was:

"Functional brain imaging can now be extended to measure the subtle changes in brain activity associated with thinking. For example, the mental rotation task produces prominent right parietal and right frontal lobe activation, which is evident on both the Xe-133 and BOLD MRI images (Fig. 30-6). These procedures have the potential to detect congnition and thought as well as abnormal brain activation patterns attributable to psychiatric disease and may eventually lead to a more accurate anatomically-based categorization of psychiatric illness."

now, since i have no idea what on earth the book is talking about, if u have any questions, ana ma da'7alnee, please do ask Dar

Book Name: CECIL Textbook of Medicine

Author: Goldman, Bennett

21st editin, Saunders

This time, i'll tag : Rowdyrascal, Tala, Kharbat, Abed Hamdan, Dr_MHQ, Kaitlen, Nathir, and Curly Wurly :)

Dar, don't worry, i'll revenge soon ;)

Little Angel :)

2006-11-26T22:54:00.000+02:00

Yup, am talking about those cute little creatures with 10 tiny little fingers, and 10 tiny little toes :D

This morning, my sister gave birth to her second child, another cute baby boy :) so for the mean time, we're going to have a double waaaaa3 at home, and within a couple of months, it'll be a triple waaaaaaaaaaaa3 :) (yea, we're expecting another baby boy ;)

i guess i should find a place to run away before eid comes, coz we're expecting the gathering of 7 waaaaaaa3s together ;) (am definetly outa here!)

Private Thoughts...

2006-11-18T13:26:00.000+02:00

it's amazing... how filled with life we may seem to be... but deep inside, filled with sorrow, madness, and lost are we...each day, a thousand times we live and die... we laugh and cry... we close our eyes, in hope not to see, but what's about to happen is to happen, and wether we liked it or not, life continues going on... yet, it is left to us, to choose wether to live surrounded by our misery, or to search for a way, a path to get us out of here...

Aqaba

2006-11-16T23:16:00.000+02:00

Sorry for being this late, but you may say that i am a lazy person when it comes to uploading pics ;)

anyway, here is a brief. During the eid, we decided to spend those 5 days in aqaba as a change. We stayed at the intercontinental. The following picture was taken from my room there. (yea, i do know that they have a great swimming pool ;)

nothing much happened on the first day, we went to our rooms, unpacked, got some rest, and then went to eat "iftar" in a resturant called "Floka", it's a good one compared to the other options they have there ;)

later on, the kids, went to swim, and my mom and cousin vanished somewhere, while my sister and i had to go shopping for eid gifts... (lol, women ;) we got back to the hotel by midnight, and since i'm fond of the sea, we decided to stay and sit by the shore.

The feeling of sand between my fingers was indescribable. Sea waves were chanting gently while kissing the shore… stars lit the sky, and the soft breeze of wind kissed our cheeks tenderly… we drifted far away with our thoughts, and chatted till it was 2am, that’s when we remembered that the very next day is eid, and we’ll have to wake up early :)

not gonna make this a long post, so in short, we spent the rest of the days building sand castles, flying kites, riding the banana boat, jet skies, and the inner tube. And since the king decided to spend eid in Aqaba too, acrobatic air force planes decorated the sky with streams of white smoke. the parade was really nice :)

we also went to take a look at Tala Bay, it’s marvelous! but since it's private, you some1 who actually has a house there to be able to go inside... (it really is worth it ;)

Our vacation ended, and it was time to go home... This is how the sky looked like on our way back... if it was a painting, i would have stood in front of it for hours ;) (arts club ppl, u know exactly what am talking about!)

that was the whole story of my trip, hope that u didn't get bored ;)

Nobody is that PERFECT!

2006-10-28T19:42:00.000+02:00

It's annoying, that "perfect image" people create in their minds about you... that you're flawless, you can never hurt anyone, you're over smart you could never do something stupid, and that you're an angel on earth! but what annoys me most, is when you try to convince them that you too are an ordinary normal human being, with lots of flaws and mistakes... it's like they can't really hear what you're saying, they donno what you're talking about, they don't want to see it, or in other words, they don't want to believe it...

The funny part is when they keep on giving you excuses for your acts and mistakes, while others are being punished and judged for doing something much less horrible...

and by the way, being a doctor or an engineer or whatever doesn't mean that you're smarter or better than the rest, and it definitely doesn't mean that you know more than everyone else... simply because no one knows "everything" about "everything"!

Nobody is that perfect, and am not that perefect either! and i, for sure, can't fix everything!!! o it's not my problem if you can't deal with it!

Happy 3eed Every1!

2006-10-22T20:18:00.000+03:00

Kol saneh o into salmeen ya rab :)

May all your wishes and dreams come true!

Tala, Thank you very much for the card and the heart magnet ;) you made me feel like a little kid again :D (i really missed that feeling!)

(after all, i do deserve a gift considering the number of gifts i wrapped this weekend, don't i ;)

Thanks for making me feel special :)

Enjoy 3eed, and see u all next week! (since am leaving to Aqaba first thing in the morning :)

Bye Ramadan!

2006-10-22T19:31:00.000+03:00

Since Ramadan is about to end, we thought that it would be a nice idea to say goodbye in a decent way, and welcome 3eed with a joyful spirit. The JU-IEEE commitee and some volunteers successfully had an Iftar for 35 orphans, aged between 6 and 12 years old, on saturday the 21st of october 2006.

Below are some pictures to show what 3 days of preparation could do ;)

Ain't Tala and I great at wrapping gifts ;)

Baloons and Candy bags (you can only imagine how it feels like looking at those mounts of sweets while you're still fasting!)

Dar's idea of having fun! (and yes, those are toilet papers!)

(the kids had a real great time, thank you for all your efforts :)

More pictures of the event are comeing soon ;) (and they're even nicer!)

Thanks to everyone who helped make this event a success, we really enjoyed working with each one of you :) and am looking forward to seeing you all in similar activities soon!

Even Grass Besomes Milk...

2006-10-14T23:57:00.000+03:00

Till when… how long will it be before I find out which way should I choose….
Lots of whys and hows are searching for an answer, my head is about to explode…. The piles of work stare at me and laugh… yes, another week with lots of things to do, and not enough hours in the day for anything… am still stuck, trapped, I can’t move :) I feel like a bird in a fancy golden cage… it’s filled with diamonds and pearls, but yet, it’s still a cage…

Lost? might be… madness? out of question… my hot cup of tea is soon going to be empty… so is my patience… am in the middle of nowhere…

They say it’s going to rain tomorrow morning… will it? or is it just another prediction? I can only wait to find out… but the problem is, I no more could wait to for an answer that leads to new questions without answers… am tired, tired of it all, tired of everything and everyone… nonsense? Perhaps…. Who said that everything in this world has to make sense?

Life is fair, that’s what he said, and I could only laugh… I couldn’t see how, I still don’t… is he right? is he wrong? Another question left without an answer….

“Trust me”, why should i? what for? Where is this going to end???? or am I supposed to keep on going in circles around my self without an exist? another whirlpool, with no way out…

“listen to your heart”, what about that voices that refuse to shut up… my conscious, my mind, and all the echoes in my head… how am I supposed to ignore all that???

I want to stop thinking, I want to vanish, to no more exist… just to be left alone… is that too much to ask for? It seems to be like it is…

I can only wait and see how this is gonna end, and where it’ll take me, but I have a feeling it won’t be anywhere near….

“Have patience! In time, even grass becomes milk.” - Charan Singh, mystic (1916-1990)

Baby Picture Tag ;)

2006-10-13T11:42:00.000+03:00

This is me when i was a little kid, i guess i was 3 years old or smth :)

Tala, Dar, Diana, and Samir, am sorry to say this (actually am not ;) , but u have all been tagged :)
i can't wait to see how you looked like when you were kids!

Is it Friday Yet?

2006-10-11T22:14:00.000+03:00

Yup, it's been one of those days all week long :)
all i really want is 9 continuous hours of sleeping, is that too much to ask for?

P.S.: don't even dare think of waking me up on friday!

i've been tagged :(

2006-10-01T20:43:00.000+03:00

i donno what's so special about girls bags, anyway, here's ur chance (although i know the stuff in mine doesn't look like a girls 1 ;)

am glad i wasn't bag tagged 4 years ago, i had real weird stuff in there ;)

i'll tag Tala, Diana, and Samir, i bet u have more interesting stuff in urs :D

Chicken Soup....

2006-09-30T17:14:00.000+03:00

Cozy bed, lots of covers, a hot water bottle, pills, and the famouse healing magical chicken soup, those are the components of a 5 stars "stay in bed for the whole day long" special treatment :)

Modern Wisdom!

2006-09-25T23:21:00.000+03:00

I bet that most of you are bored hearing proverbs from elder people, but those are really nice :D (enjoy ;)

Men these days:
If your father is a poor man, It is your fate but,
But if yourfather-in-law is a poor man, It's your stupidity.

Reality:
Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.

Blessing:
God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.

Fact:
Since light travels faster than sound,
People appear bright until you hear them speak.

Graduation Project:
Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours.

University Regestration office:
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station....
What more can I say.........

Resurrection

2006-09-14T22:56:00.000+03:00

i was scared to death that i might actually "see" myself on one of the shelves in the Egyptian Museum...

Fayoum portraits are portraits, painted mostly on wood, of men, women and children, young and old, believed to have been painted in their lifetime, sometimes framed and displayed in homes, and later sawn to fit just inside the sarcophagus where they were placed on top of the face within the mummy wrappings to preserve the memory of the deceased...

reminds you of someone???

each time i look at those paintings, i remember someone i know (or used to know)... one of them looked so much like my father! i remembered the old arabian saying "ye'7le2 men el shabah 40", and i donno if those 40 copies of each one of us are to be found in the very same time we're living in, or if they're spread over the years... still, it's amazing to find that we people still look the same even after thousands of years :)

i wonder why you can hardly find a portrait of someone smiling... and even if you do, you won't be able to see their teeth, although all the people in the paintings were dressed in a fancy way, with all their jewels on :)

Egyptians believed in resurrection after death or life beyond death, that's why they used mummification... but i'd like to know if they believed that the dead would still remember what happened in their previous lives or not...

it's true that those mummies are "dead" with all the meaning that the word holds, but it seems to be that the egyptians did find a way or another to live for eternity... their life style, pictures, statues, jewels, and even the details of their lives are being studied... every single day thousands of egyptian souvenirs are being sold all around the world...

i was thinking that maybe "eternity" isn't a good idea after all.. i defenetly would never like to be mummified and have people staring at my dead body ;)

Break Time (",)

2006-09-06T21:16:00.000+03:00

i'll be in Egypt for the next 9 days :) if u need anything from there, just give me a call ;)

Istanbul

2006-08-19T01:10:00.000+03:00

Each one of us has a unique story... some might seem to be alike, but with some differences in the tiny details... and there are others whom i consider remarkable; they are indeed like no other... up till now, i can't figure out in which category is life story going to be...

I still can't understand how some people look at you and say that you are an open book that can easily be read... it's amazing how they can tell what you're thinking of, or expect how you would exactly act in a specific situation... it's like they know you better than you know yourself...

others might look at you and say that you are vague, that you are filled with mysterys and secrets... there is something in your eyes that they can't explain, and it's just hard to "understand" you... i would say that each one of us is a combination of both :) we all have atleast two sides... the side we want others to meet, and the side that only we know about.

i can't count the number of people i've met in the past months, but i surely can remember Neshe, a beautiful young lady who changed her path just to help us find our way back in Turkey, i remember the 6 years old Da-Yun-Lee from Korea, a smart kid who found a way to communicate and play with me while sailing, her smile is still stuck in my head :) i remember Helen & Fred Ford from Australia, a sweet couple we've met in the Haghia Sophia... and there was Urzu, a shop owner who tailored a suit specially for me in just 3 days! another shop owner gave us a blue bead to protect us from evil eyes :) i even met a cute little kid named Younis, he once told me that he's sorry he didn't miss me before, but that was just coz he hadn't met me yet :) that was the sweetest thing i've ever heard in my life :) i met lots of people whom i can no longer remember their names, but could still remember how nice they were to me :)

it's true that i've met them for only a couple of hours, but they have all touched my life in a magical way :) i loved the way we managed to get along without using words, how we managed to find our own way to understand each other :) and although i know i probably won't be able to see any of them again, the sweet memories they gave me shall live in my heart forever :)

Turkey was a wonderful experience, every place you go, and wherever you look, you'll find a beautiful story waiting to be told, the walls, their buses, the streets, malls and hotels, and every single thing that you might think of... i loved Turkey, not because of the places i've been to, but because of the people i've met :) i loved the unique mixture of people they have, and how they all get along with each other, and i loved how friendly everyone is :)

they were 7 days that i'll never forget, i can't deny that i was extreamly happy to get back to my room, but deep inside, i wished if i could have stayed a little bit longer :)

anyway, if anyone is looking forward to spending their vacation in Istanbul, i recommend visiting the Dolmabache palace, the Blue Mosque, the Top Kapi and the Haghia Sophia... The Dolmabache certainly has a unique story to tell :)

p.s: find yourself a good guide, he can really make a difference :)

BRB

2006-06-13T16:20:00.000+03:00

am flying to Istanbul tomorrow morning, be back within a week ;) i'll tell you all about it when i get back :)

VACATION!

2006-06-12T23:20:00.000+03:00

yup, finals are over, and my vacation has just started :D i can't remember when was the last time i had a "REAL" vacation... maybe a year ago :) but i still have to start working after exactly 8 days! (Allah Yostor ;)

i currently feel like i have 8 days with nothing significant to do... i guess i got used to having a busy schedule :) (i can actually sleep without having to set the alarm at 7am now! this is wierd!!!)

i can't imagine saying that "am a graduate", or "this is my final year", am officialy a 5th year student now... and i have to prepare for my 2 years graduation project :) (kaman Allah yostor ;) but am sort of excited about it, it's what i call a new challenge :)

this semester was literally "loaded", but unique :) i've met lots of gr8 ppl, especially those in the IEEE office... i started to "socialize" a little bit more, although i still prefer keeping my relations formal, but am improving ;) on the other hand, i sort of lost contact with my high school friends... i had to skip some of our reunion meetings, graduation seminars, and other special occassions... yet, i managed to "know" one of my favourite friends better :) her name is Tala, we both took our first class at uni together four years ago, and ended up being team partners this semester :)

uni is about to end... i only have one year left... it might seem to be that i've accomplished something, while the truth is, i still have a long way to go... i still have a new life to start :) i just hope that uni has changed me in way that would make it easier for me to get involved with the "real" world...

yup, i still have a loooooooooooooooong way to go :) am just getting started!

p.s: uni looks gr8 when it's empty ;) don't u think?

Baby 7amoodeh :o)

2006-05-26T01:16:00.000+03:00

today was baby 7amoodeh's birthday :) he's 1 year old now, i just can't believe how fast kids grow up!

these pictures were taken 2 months ago...

while these where when he was just a newly born baby :)

You are a GIRL!

2006-05-19T21:57:00.000+03:00

Each one of us has atleast two sides, and two completely different characters... you can be real boring while being with a certain group of people... you hardly ever speak or even smile, no communication at all is to be found... it's like you're there, but not really being there... yet, you can be real fun when being with others... there are people whom you feel like you can be yourself with, that's when your character shines... you can feel your heart beating, and your soul floating... you simply feel happy, you're laughing so hard that your stomach hurts, and your eyes are filled with tears :) you simply feel that you are free... that you could do whatever it is that you want, and yes, it feels so great that it motivates you to keep on going on with your life... it feels so good that you don't want those days to end...

Still, there are others whom you have to "fake it" just to fit in their community... you have to dress "right", speak "right", and act "right"... no mistakes, what so ever, are allowed... you have to keep on wearing an unreal smile on your face... you are shaking hands with people whom you don't know, you have to listen to their nonsense and act as if you are enjoying your time, and that the food is real great when you really can't swallow a single bite of it :) they introduce you to their daughters and sons, secretly aiming to arrange a "wedding" just to have your families get closer... no, not because they are interisted in you, but because they are interisted in what this "familial" union is to bring... you are just a "thing" or a way that is going to get them a step closer to where they want... in short, you are simply being tortured in a "classy" way :)

Just look at "you" when you want something from someone in a "higher" position... you are extreamly polite, extreamly nice in a sick way... things like "i love your neck tie, those colors are so alive!", and "you seem to have lost some weight sir"... you might say anything or do whatever it takes to get what you want, and if you don't, you usually start "saying things" as soon as you get out of the door... well, he's not any better than you are, he has probably done the same thing in another situation... but the truth is, it just makes me feel sick!

Am not any better either... i thought i was, but am not... i've been searching for a suitable training since january, i refused to get trained at one of my uncle's companies for it was against the rules... i decided to try to depend on myself and went to several local factories and companies... the answer i got never did change... "You are a GIRL!"... yes, that was the reason they gave me as an excuse... i wasn't even asked about my grades or skills... they didn't even care to look at my CV... i was told that i've chosen the wrong major... and yes, that hurts :)

i felt like i reached a dead end... i was running out of time, and had to find a way out... eventually, i asked my mother for help. She simply called one of her friends, and everything was set on the phone... within a couple of days, i got a phone call from the secretary "Your papers are ready, you can start working whenever you feel like it, feel free to choose the position you would like to be in". It felt good to know that i've finally found a place, but deep inside, i felt horrible... i don't really "know" my mother's friend, nor do i know her husband... i am now in debt for people whom i donno... i probably took someone else's place, and i absolutly won't be able to be myself at work... it's like an eye is going to keep on watching me all the time, and i have to act like "little miss perfect". I guess i'll have to live with my fake personality for the next 3 months... I just hope that it won't be as horrible as i imagine!

I keep on thinking that if i just waited a little bit longer, if i just kept on trying, i might have found a place, i might have earned the position that i'll be in... I didn't like the idea of having my mom asking others to do me a favour... it's not something that we are used to... maybe that's why it still feels so horrible :)

The Power of a Rain Drop

2006-05-09T22:42:00.000+03:00

As a child, i never liked my name... my mother told me that it started raining when i was born... rain didn't stop for several days, and that's how i got my name... it means "a cloud that rains heavily and continuously for several days without thunder or lightning"...

I thought it was real stupid to call someone after a "cloud", especially a grey one! it just didn't make sense to me :) but i was always being reminded that there is a rainbow after each rain fall, and that nothing could survive without water...

My name never made sense to me untill a couple of years ago.... i was taking a course in western and japanese technical stock terms, and was introduced to the term "raindrops"... i was amazed by what raindrops could do :)

I never did realize how powerful raindrops can really be untill a few months ago... and am not talking about the power it has in the stocks market :) i found out that every single rain drop represents one of us...

I've always asked myself how much do i, as a person, mean to this world... if i die right now, nearly nothing would change... my family and a couple of friends plus some people might miss me for a while... but the sun would still rise, birds are going to continue singing, kids would go to their schools, and life would continue normally as if nothing happened... in short, i felt like i really mean nothing, that am worthless... and i started asking myself why do i even exist??? just then, another question popped into my mind... how many people do i know whom their death would effect this world much more than mine would??? my answer was "nearly" no body :) does this mean that we all mean nothing??? i had to find a way to explain it...

The answer was simple, it was right infront of my eyes, but i just couldn't see... Rain Drops! when rain falls, the effect of a single rain drop could easily be ignored when compared to the total effect cause by the rest of the rain drops... as a matter of fact, we can ignore the effect of several rain drops, and still get the same result! but we can't ignore them all...

In other words, each single drop made an effect, even if it wasn't noticed... this tiny effect when combined with the tiny effects other raindrops made would result in a noticeable force that can't be ignored... and this force is what makes a change :)

In short, life would have never been exactly the same without you or me... each one of us counts in a way or another :)

On Contradicton

2006-05-05T23:45:00.000+03:00

for a couple of weeks, i've been passing by my blog, not knowing what to write... not wanting to write :) lots of events happened, and i donno where from to start :)

the truth is, you are the only reason am writing again :) the idea of that there are friends and people out there who are still reading, that some is still passing by my blog, although i haven't wrote a thing for more than two months means more than alot to me :)

a good friend of mine once told me that he writes what people wants to read, while i write what i want to write... and i just don't know which one of us is right :) each one has a different point of view, a different way of thinking, and a whole different personality :) but his words made me think of why am i writing in the first place... years ago, i just wrote to let go, just to feel a little bit better... i was the only one entitled to read my writings... my pen was my best friend, no one else was to know my secrets... but the situation right now is different... everyone can read my thoughts... anyone, in a way or another, can tell how i think...

i felt like i was contradicting myself... one of my rules was never to let the person infront of me understand the way i think or feel... i guess it was just to protect myself from those around me... the fact is, i still find it hard to trust anyone new...

i can't figure out why did i start this blog... was it because i wanted to share my thoughts with someone else, or was it just to exchange opinions and ideas... i have no idea... but what i know is, am not sorry i did :)

The Ruby Necklace

2006-02-24T17:26:00.000+02:00

i remember that i once wanted to buy a ruby necklace, for i had this beautiful rosy gown, but couldn't find something suitable to wear in my jewels box, and so, i went shopping with one of my sisters.

for weeks, i had no luck... they either didn't have rubies, or they didn't have the style i wanted... i was running out of time, the party was going to be held after a couple of days, and thus, i had to ask where would i find what am looking for...

"A jewelry gallery is being held in ****, go to Iran's section, you'll find lots of options there!". Filled with hope, i went, and there it was, a huge ruby surrounded by diamonds, it was perfect! and it was worth every dime i paid :)

weeks later, my cousin, who is fond of jewelry, asked to see my necklace... "How much did you pay for it?" "i got it for ***$" "That's impossible! a ruby this size, and such clarity would cost AT LEAST 100,000 $, you'd better go and check it"

"It's real" the shop owner said, and i jumped with joy! with a smile, he continued "REAL GLASS", the smile on my face faded, and was replaced by a disappointed look... "don't be sad, it's a beautiful piece of art, and honestly, i wouldn't have sold it for less than 4 times the number you've mentioned, wear it with confidence :) "

Later on, he explained to me a simple way to differentiate between real stones, and fake ones, he also gave me much information about diamonds and gold... i thanked him, and left...

deep inside, i just wished if there was a similar simple way to differentiate between people... a way to tell who is being honest, and who isn't... who loves you for who you are, and who loves you for what you own... a person who truly likes you, and someone who just wants to benefit from you... i am afraid... am scared of the idea that one day i might be fooled by the way someone looks like, the way someone acts like, someone that i'll spend the rest of my life with, to realize at the end that he's not the person whom i thought he was...

Trying to Smile :)

2006-02-17T07:22:00.000+02:00

Yupiee :D a beautiful white morning, it's snowing, i was jumping with joy! NO UNIVERSITY FOR TODAY! the idea of that am finally going to get some time for myself to relax and finish the stuff i have to do made me smile :)

i called my little sister's school to check, and they said school was off, i tried to call my uni, but no one answered the phone... i wasted no time, and started working on my research, happy to know i'll have more than enough time to finish it today... BUT there is always the fact that things don't usually work the way we want them to, my brother woke up, and managed to contact our uni, he informed me that we don't have a day off, all i could think about was: "i've missed my 8am lecture and i only have less than 20 minutes to get dressed, drive all the way to uni, find a place to park, and run to the lecture!"

i couldn't find my black shoes, so i had to wear my 9cm high heeled boots instead, and with less than 5 minutes left, i really had to hurry up!

on the way, the guy who was driving infront of me suddenly stopped! the road infront of him was empty, and my car was about to smash his, i really wanted to give him a huge angry look and a big PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! but that's when his car moved, and i understood why he had to stop, a white pigeon was beautifully marching on the street, and i smiled :)

after climbing the famous stairs of engineering, i finally reached my class, i was 15 minutes late, and couldn't find a place to sit, i had to sit beside someone i don't really like... just then, a nice guy offered me a seat infront of the one am sitting in, which means a better view to the board, and bye bye to the guy by my side, but kindly, i refused his generosity, for i had caused enough disturbance by entering late, there was no need to cause more... i noticed that the doctor hasn't erased what he had written yet, i could still follow up with him, and again, i smiled :)

i still had to run to my next lecture, which was in "al-sharee3a", but running while wearing high heels on a slippery road doesn't really help that much! i had to enter late... luckily, the doctor decided not to give us a lecture, and off i went back to engineering with a smile :)

15 minutes to twelve, i still had time before my shift starts in the IEEE office, "great :D i have some time to put a plan for things that should be done for today!", while opening the door, a little piece of paper fell on the ground, a friend had passed us a note, we have to correct some data we have previously saved on the PC... directly, i headed towards the PC, switched the power on, and waited... nothing showed up on the screen!!! i checked to see if all the cables were connected, and that we had electricity, everything was in it's right place, still, the screen refused to work! scared of the idea that i might have burned a switch, a cable, or something else, i had to cry for help!!! i called the engineer in the office opposite to ours, and explained the situation to him... he was kind enough to see where the problem was and fix it, i thanked him, and smiled :)

lots of work had to be done by the end of the day... and with only 3 hours, it really seemed to be mission impossible! but with a partner like mine, things seem to be much simpler, and work starts to get fun :) the new aroma kit we got cheered us up, and lifted our spirits to start with joy... the rest of the group started to show up, it was nice to discuss things we did, things we have to do, and our ideas with each other... yet, our work wasn't being done as planned on schedual!

it's allready 3pm, i have an extra lecture, it's time for me to go... but i still have to pick a paper from an engineer before i do... on the way, i saw my favourite doctor, he's one of the few doctors whom i can really say i enjoy being in their lectures, so i stopped for a couple of minutes to say hi, and he told me that there is space for some more students in his class! isn't that the greatest news ever???

it was my last chance to sign for it, and i decided that joining his class was much much more important than the lecture am going to miss, so i went to the registration office, i didn't expect it to be so crowded!!! i asked someone who works there if i could still apply to a new course, he was extreamly mean, and without even tring to see if it's possible or not, he said NO (God, i hate this word!), i had to climb the engineering stairs again for the 3rd time this day, and tell my doctor it wasn't possible for me to join... he was sort of baffled! another student has just signed for his class... i was sent to the head of the engineering office, i got a paper from there, and went to the main computer department as i was told... as expected, they said they have nothing to do with it, and i ran back to the registration office...

"go to the 2nd floor", and off i went, a student was fighting with the secretary for he had been waiting for a long time to see the manager, while others who came after, were directly sent to him... i had to wait untill it was over... politely, i explained the case for her... "sign it from the science department", "but am an engineering student! what does the science department have to do with it!!!", "JUST GET THE PAPER SIGNED!".

the weather was freezing, i could feel my chin and cheeks get numb, i could no more feel my fingures, my legs really hurt!... "it's just a couple of more steps, you can do it!" and i finally reached the head office of the sience department... i entered with a smile, "excuse me sir, but could u please sign the paper for me???", "you are an engineering student, you have to sign it from the engineering department, i can do nothing for you"... feeling extreamly tired, and not really wanting to climb the stairs again, i asked: "what happens if i signed the paper myself??? afterall, it's just a signature!" he smiled, and asked me to go to an office beside the milkbar, "go to this lady, she can help you"...

happy to know that i don't have to climb the stairs, i found enough energy to walk to the prescribed department... a bunch of students were crowded outside, one of them told me that the office closed... "but it's still 4pm!", "well, they are still in, but they aren't allowing anyone to enter", frustrated, i kept on knocking, finally, a man opened the door, and i begged him to sign the paper... "we don't sign such papers here!", "but the head of the science department asked me to come here and ask (i forgot what her name is) to sign it!", he laughed, and told me that i can find her in the registration office...

back i went... and into the engineering office i entered, another mean man kicked me out... i asked him about her, "she's not here!"... a student standing out saw what happened, and told me where i could find her office... i knocked, tried to smile, and gave her the paper... "i can't add you to the class", "why not??? there are some places for extra students, the doctor and the head of the engineering department agreed, and all that's missing is ur signature!!!"

wanting to get rid of me and my nagging, she made a phone call, and explained my request to the guy on the phone, he told her there was no problem at all... pleased to hear such news, i smiled a winners smile, and seems to be she didn't like it at all, and down she wrote a note: "add her only if there is space in the class, don't sign her otherwise" , "go to the computer lab in the engineering department".

i only had 30 minutes left before they close the lab, and i really had to run back to engineering (one day, am really going to count the number of steps we have to climb each day!!!), there he was, a nice old man sitting behind the PC, registering courses for a couple of other students... i waited my turn... he looked at me and smiled :) he asked me about what i wanted, and in less than a minute, everything was over, i was finally signed for the class!

i headed back to the IEEE office, my partner was still working, i few more things were left to be done... finally, we managed to finish most of it, and sat for a couple of minutes to relax... it was about 6pm, time to go back home... yet, i still had to buy some things, and so i did...

i finally reached home, i greeted my mom, i tried to smile, but i no more could, i threw my self on the nearest chair i found, and with all my heart, i wished if i could cry, my feet were killing me!!!

Why is it so hard ???

2006-02-08T22:43:00.000+02:00

i hated myself today... i've hurt someone's feelings, i had to, but what that person doesn't know, is that i was even more hurt...

why is it so hard to say NO... why isn't there a nicer way to refuse or reject things, a way that would never make us go through pain... the problem is that we sometimes can't explain... not becuase we're not given the chance, but because we know we're just going to make things worse...

i feel horrible, and yet, i still have to wear a smile on my face, and act as if nothing happened... as if my life hasn't changed...

it's amazing how two letters can cause such damage... how they can simply ruin someone's life, and take his dreams away....

someone once said:

knowing that there is worse pain doesn't make present pain hurt any less.

i wonder if we are ever going to understand the wisdom pain holds, or the message it has... i just hope that one day i will... i hope this day would come soon...

What's Next ?

2006-02-06T22:34:00.000+02:00

It's funny how most people run after fame and money, after being the center of attention, being important and special, the desire of being great and powerful... or in other words, how we all seek perfection...

which leads me to a question, what is perfection??? does it even exist? can we ever reach it? if not, then why do ppl keep on trying when they know they'll never reach where they want???

i've been told that we're greedy by nature, that no matter how far we go, how much we accomplish or get, we're always going to want more... that our needs are never going to be fulfilled, and our standards are never going to be met...

i sometimes wonder if Bill Gates would ever stop wanting to have more, i wonder what does he want to do with all that money, is he ever going to be able to spend it? if we have more than enough of smth, why do we keep on wanting more???

i can't help but imagining that i've become extreamly rich, that i've invented a new powerful machine, or that i've painted the greatest painting ever, that i've written the most touching symphony anyone could ever dream of hearing... that i've published a great novel, or discovered smth amazing, imagining that i've fulfilled all my dreams... but i can't stop asking myself, what's next?

sometimes we lose ourselves, we forget to live, and forget to enjoy the little miracles and details that surround us in our daily lives... we forget who we are, and we no more care to spend time with our beloved ones, in hope to reach where we think we want to be... it's devastating to realize how much we've missed by the time we reach there, the horrible part is when we find out that we were where we really wanted to be, but we just couldn't see it :)

Searching for an Answer...

2006-02-02T23:17:00.000+02:00

a couple of days ago, my friends and i were discussing why do we judge people on the way they look like... and i discovered that most of us are not ready to change the first impression they have about others... i was one of them, untill i joined a forum, and i must admit that i've changed my whole idea about some people there, and am glad that some of them changed their ideas about me too :o)

my question is, why do we tend to judge ppl before we know them? does their appearance really reflect their personalities? do we do this to protect ourselves from what we don't know, or is it coz we are not ready to accept anyone who's "different" than us... i still can't tell why... life is full of questions and answers, but we simply don't know how to relate them both together, maybe someday i'd manage to find the right answer...