Why is it so hard ???

i hated myself today... i've hurt someone's feelings, i had to, but what that person doesn't know, is that i was even more hurt...

why is it so hard to say NO... why isn't there a nicer way to refuse or reject things, a way that would never make us go through pain... the problem is that we sometimes can't explain... not becuase we're not given the chance, but because we know we're just going to make things worse...

i feel horrible, and yet, i still have to wear a smile on my face, and act as if nothing happened... as if my life hasn't changed...

it's amazing how two letters can cause such damage... how they can simply ruin someone's life, and take his dreams away....

someone once said:

knowing that there is worse pain doesn't make present pain hurt any less.

i wonder if we are ever going to understand the wisdom pain holds, or the message it has... i just hope that one day i will... i hope this day would come soon...