Private Thoughts and Imaginations...

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Why do people want to get married?

knowing that am running out of good excuses, and knowing that sooner or later, i'll have to face it, for it's going to happen, wether i liked it or not ... i realized that i can't keep on running forever... thus, i decided to find an answer that would sort of convince me... i mean, if i'll ever have to say "yes" to someone, then i atleast want to be certain the am saying it for the right reasons (well, i still can't find a good one yet... but i'll keep on looking ;)

Anyway, I’ve been asking people why do they want to get married, the summarized answers were:

It's the human nature, it is unnatural to be alone. That is why God made a mate for Adam. To some, getting married is their Number One priority, they believe in "Get married or die trying! "

People want to get married to ease loneliness and to fulfill some needs... fear of growing old alone is a major factor, all people want someone they can spend the rest of their lives with, someone who'll always be there for them no matter what's the situation... people sort of believe that marriage is a guarantee for them to never be lonely for as long as they shall live.

They want a friend, a companion, somone to talk and open up to, someone to share everything with, someone they can trust and love unconditionally, someone they'll always be able to forgive, someone to help them get organized and think outside the box, and someone who will always support them and would do all these back to them.

Men, in general, want to feel that they have grown up, that they are adults... they want to feel fulfilled as men, that they are responsible... they do that by starting a family and having kids... on the other hand, every woman wants the security of marriage, of having a guy she can call her own... Someone that could do all the odd jobs at home, and someone she can lay her troubles on at the end of the day...

They get married for 'multiplication', they want to have kids of their own, to have someone carry their names and create dynasties... at the same time, they also want to be called dad/mom... Some just do it coz it seems like the logical next step to do in their lives...

Some think that the only way to be happy is to be in a relationship. It is not the case but it is their perspective... they think that if they got married, then they'll fill the emptiness they are feeling inside, and they'll experience happiness for the rest of their lives, and that life is going to get better and worthwhile.

There are other reasons for why people get married, like wanting to be free from parents, or due to people's criticism and family pressure once a woman/man reaches a certain age... They feel like they have to get married, simply because everyone else is getting married... the spread mentality is that when boys and girls "grow up" they are "supposed" to get married, so we're actually conditioned to want the same thing in order to keep other family members happy and to gain social conditioning, recognition and respect.... it's what the society demands, and it's starting to get more like a tradition or a custom...

Another major factor is the "L" word... some think they fell in love, and they want to spend the rest of their lives with that special someone... People want to love, and they also want to keep on being loved and cherished, they want to feel "special"... they believe in "together forever" and "happily ever after"... (not gonna comment!).

There are non-romantic reasons out there too, men could want to marry someone for her money, or because of her dad's position and powerful contacts (and vice versa)... marriage can also be a pure bussiness relationship... it is known that there is a much better opportunity in getting a certain position or a job when you're married... health insurance, taxes, legal reasons, immigration purposes and lots of other stuff are made easier too...

Silly reasons for getting married include: they think marriage is going to be fun, wanting to have a huge party with all their friends and family gathered, and them being the center of attention... the dream of being a bride and wearing a beautiful wedding gown, going on a honeymoon, and getting all those fancy presents and gifts... and finally because they met someone who says that he/she loves them, and they're afraid that no one else would love them the same way (although they know that they don't love them back!!!)

But what i don't get is, some don't think there is an actual reason for getting married, to them it just felt like the right thing to do, and so they did it...

so, for those out there wanting to get married (and for those who already got married), what are your reasons :)


  • At Wednesday, January 03, 2007 1:14:00 AM , Blogger Qwaider قويدر said...

    تعددت الاسباب و الموت و احد
    Frankly, there are no good reasons to marry. Unless the two really want each other. That's the most important thing. Want each other and are ready to make the sacrifice. Leave everything they know behind and start a new life.
    I feel sad that many just do it out of dispair. But there are millions of good reasons to marry someone (to marry period is not an answer)

  • At Wednesday, January 03, 2007 1:47:00 AM , Blogger Rain Drop said...

    "تعددت الاسباب و الموت و احد " lol, no comment on this one ;)

    "But there are millions of good reasons to marry someone "
    give me 1 real good reason :)

  • At Wednesday, January 03, 2007 7:30:00 AM , Blogger Qwaider قويدر said...

    If people openly and directly say things like:
    I am old enough and I would like to take the responsibility of a family and independence. That would be a good reason.
    If someone says I want to have kids, because I love kids. That would be a good reason
    If someone said, I found the person that I feel comfortable with and would like to spend the rest of my life with that person, that would be a good reason. Heck, even "Because I want to have sex", that would be a good reason.

    But things like, "I want to escape my parent's hell", "I wanna go out and see the world", "I wanna wear short sleevs", "all my friends are married", "Hadi sunnet el 7ayah", "because I'm old", "Because they told me so" ...etc ... all of these are not good reasons.

    Most people are not even honest with thier own self .. let alone a partner or a family!

    //can you please allow comments from outside of blogger?

  • At Wednesday, January 03, 2007 3:43:00 PM , Blogger Rain Drop said...

    hehe, u've gotta hear some of the girls silly reasons ;)

    anyway, i know that all those r good reasons, but i want to feel like this is smth i really wanna do, and i currently don't... i love kids, and i want to have kids of my own, but to me, that's not good enough to bring those little monkeys to life... i should have better reasons :)

    besides, wouldn't that be "2este'3lal", to get married just coz u want to have kids???, if some1 comes and tells me i wanna get married just coz i wanna have kids, and he has no other reasons to get married, i'll probably kick him out :)

    //could u plz please check qwaider planet, some of our blogs r listed, but they're not being updated there, i guess it's due to switching to the beta blogger thing... thanx :)

  • At Wednesday, January 03, 2007 7:14:00 PM , Blogger NAR said...

    Marriage is good for humanity. It creates families and kids, which are the cornerstone of a healthy society. I say, a good human is part of a good family.

    For me, having a wife and family is a life’s work. Kind of like, developing your hobbies and doing what fulfills you and what you were born to do on this earth. I felt empty and restless before I got married.

    By they way, being a parent is like living a parallel life in a sphere of being that you cannot imagine and will only know once you enter it.

    The cycle of life starts you as a child needing help and ends you as an old person needing help as well! The years of strength and youth are best invested in providing help to the once who need it (your kids and your parents), such that you pay back your “dept”. You are a fool if you invest your youth solely in caring about yourself (like a career blinded single person : )

  • At Wednesday, January 03, 2007 10:36:00 PM , Blogger Rain Drop said...

    Nar: i totally agree :) but i don't want my main reason to be just the kids... what if we weren't lucky enough to have kids :) there has to be some other good reasons too... (besides, sooner or later, they'll no longer be kids, they'll grow up, and they'll want to have families of their own too :) i'll end up being alone with "him"...

    my worse nightmare was that 15 years from now, i'll grow to be a big fat lady with 6 kids, left all alone at home, with nthg to do except wait for someone to come back home, and watch silly drama series on TV while eating stuff that i don't even like :) but the truth is, i don't want to end up "like a career blinded single person" :)

    i guess the secret is in finding the right balance, or a way to have it all :)

  • At Thursday, January 04, 2007 12:54:00 AM , Anonymous Diana said...

    lol Dima,,,that's a good question :)

    i can't provide an answer,,,my view of this issue is negative,,

    i don't think (not now,at least) that nowadays there's a good reason to get married!for one thing(and this is from a real experiment);people change after marriage,(other than gaining weight),they become someone u never knew,,and u'll wish that u idn't marry them,,but too late!

    i don't mean to discourage u :) but Freedom is priceless :D

  • At Thursday, January 04, 2007 1:52:00 AM , Anonymous Samir said...

    I think the question is not the "why", but the "who". That's at least my biggest confusion.

    As to why.. it just makes sense. My life can't be all about me for too long.. In "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus": Women want to be appreciated, and Men want to be needed.

  • At Thursday, January 04, 2007 2:02:00 AM , Blogger Rain Drop said...

    Diana :) am not fond of the idea either ;) but by the time u graduate, u sort of run out of good excuses (no more labs, exams or big crazy projects and full time commetments...) and u find urself forced to "consider" it...

    the point is, if am going to die one day (and i will), then i'd like to know that am going to die for a good reason, same applies to getting married ;) (atleast for me!)

    "Freedom is priceless" waaaaaaa3, ma tjakreenee, anyway, bokra bejeekee el door ;)

  • At Thursday, January 04, 2007 2:37:00 AM , Blogger Rain Drop said...

    Samir: the "who" should come after the "why" :) simply coz if u meet the "who" before u know "why" it won't work out right...

    i don't need to be appreciated, all i need is to be convinced from inside that this is not going to be the biggest mistake i'll ever make in my life... (yea, am scared that i might end up with the very wrong person ;)

    as for the "who" part... girls rn't given that much of a choice, we're asked to "pick" one of the "offers" that we get (sorry for putting it this way), while u may choose who u want to end up with (forgetting about the new ways of getting married)... so guys r sort of lucky when it comes to this part ;)

    anyway, the "who" part is another long story, i guess it needs a post of it's own :)

  • At Thursday, January 04, 2007 4:46:00 AM , Blogger NAR said...

    When ur kids grow up, they will call you on Mother's day and tell their kids, this is you grandmother. If you never have kids (or have kids and don't raise them with love), you will be lonely when you are old.

    In the Arab-style weddings (like I chose to do), both parties don't know each other well at first. Both are making a leap of faith.

    Marriage gives you the sense of family, your parents gave you when you were little. Freedom is boring after a while, believe me!. In marriage, it is never boring.

    My neighbor, is a good looking woman, with two daughters from two different marriages. She is a good mother, but realy longs for a "man" to give her company. It seems, she is geting older, less attractive and more frustrated.

    Your youth is your assett (ras el mal). Use it wisely.

    If you are afraid of becoming fat and boring, then you won't. Nothing to worry about.

    Marriage regires the right mix of faith, love, respect, calclation to succeed.

  • At Thursday, January 04, 2007 5:51:00 AM , Anonymous Jordan Blogs said...


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  • At Thursday, January 04, 2007 1:40:00 PM , Anonymous Knight with shining armor said...

    اذا اتاكم من ترضون خلقه ودينه فزوجوه, الا تفعلو تكن فتنة في الارض وفساد كبير

    من استطاع منكم الباءة فلتزوج

    are they enough reasons???

    صلى الله على محمد صلى الله عليه وسلم

  • At Thursday, January 04, 2007 2:28:00 PM , Blogger Rain Drop said...

    Nar: "Marriage gives you the sense of family, your parents gave you when you were little." i miss that :) but i don't think i'll ever have it again... (this time, it's my kids turn to climb on my back ;)

    "If you are afraid of becoming fat and boring, then you won't. Nothing to worry about." thanx for the real sweet words :)

    Knight with shining armor: lol 3al nickname ;)
    well, true, but u should notice the "itha atakom" part ;)

    i mean, what's the percentage of men who have real good manners, o besaloo o besoomo o ma beda'7no o ma beshrabo o moo msa7been, and who come from good families, and r still able to afford a good living? now, multiply this percentage with the percentage of "will i get along with him? do we share the same thoughts, ideas and mentality???"...

    like i said to Samir, the "who" needs another looooooong post ;)

  • At Thursday, January 04, 2007 9:23:00 PM , Blogger Tala said...

    well i can't answer the question on why would i want to get married for one reason is that at the moment i dont want to.

    but when i get to want to get married, why would i? i donno, but probably because i would love him that i want to be with him.

    il mushkileh, inno people think its a duty. and there is a must get married age. like that you finished your duties of going to school, going to college, excercise working ( for girls ) its all part of the perfect image and there comes a full stop till he comes.

    inno la2! il dinia mish heik.
    and here the typical debate starts between career oriented and family oriented women.

    i agree with Nar for all stated reasons above. marriage is something reviving it gives you purpose, but it should not delete your identity, to throw out your dreams and ambitions, it needs a proper kind of devotion. you can still act foolish and go wild and run free and love madly and also be married, actually it resets wanting to live.. LIVE. you can really be free and safe being married depending on him

    bas il mushkileh bil shabab and this society that drives you to be over protected, watching every move you do.

    ya3ni single == free & wild + your personal responsability, floating reference if your parents mish mit7akmeen feeki.

    married == safe & free "depending on his mentality" , having reference point (grounds) your decisions always include others. you are never alone anymore.

  • At Friday, January 05, 2007 2:37:00 AM , Blogger Rain Drop said...

    Tala, i don't want to either, read the comments above ;)

    "probably because i would love him that i want to be with him." i donno... i guess i'd rather use my mind on my heart when it comes to this...

    tala, a year from now, u'll be asked to pay more attention to the way u dress, the way u walk, the u talk, and every other tiny single detail... ur expected to "be ready", and yea, it doesn't really feel gr8... but it's smth that u must do... smth that u'll have to go through...

    the point is, i don't want to feel that this is smth am "forced" to do, that's why am trying to convince myself that this is smth that i "want" to do... (still didn't succeed ;)

  • At Monday, January 08, 2007 11:36:00 PM , Blogger Devil's Mind said...

    Personally, I see no good reason to marry! Even if you love someone, you can live with them without marriage; Unless of course, if you were a religious person.

  • At Wednesday, January 10, 2007 9:10:00 PM , Blogger Rain Drop said...

    "Even if you love someone, you can live with them without marriage", am totally against this idea :)

    away from religion (which is very important to me), i don't think it's healthy for any1... kids won't feel secure, the woman would have no similar rights as the married 1, which means she'll never feel safe... there is no guarantee for her that he's gonna stay with her and take care of their kids and be resposible for the family... besides, how would u know that ur mate is not cheating on u? another point is, u can never tell if they're going to transfer a desease to u or not in such cases :)

    didn't u ever wonder how ur parents managed to stay with each other for so long? it for sure wasn't totally based on love... love grows, then it fades, then it grows back again with time... but during the time it fades, and the relation gets real boring and dull, it was the marriage bond that kept them together, besides the fact that they always keep on saying "kids come first"...

    why am i against this idea? simply cause the west tried it, and proved that it's a complete failure :)

    i'd rather end up with a religious guy... i don't want some1 who finds it "ok" to see that his daughter has a boyfriend, or to accept her going out wearing a minny skirt! and i defenetly don't want my kids to smoke or get drunk... i don't think u want that for u or ur kids either...


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