Private Thoughts and Imaginations...

Friday, May 19, 2006

You are a GIRL!

Each one of us has atleast two sides, and two completely different characters... you can be real boring while being with a certain group of people... you hardly ever speak or even smile, no communication at all is to be found... it's like you're there, but not really being there... yet, you can be real fun when being with others... there are people whom you feel like you can be yourself with, that's when your character shines... you can feel your heart beating, and your soul floating... you simply feel happy, you're laughing so hard that your stomach hurts, and your eyes are filled with tears :) you simply feel that you are free... that you could do whatever it is that you want, and yes, it feels so great that it motivates you to keep on going on with your life... it feels so good that you don't want those days to end...

Still, there are others whom you have to "fake it" just to fit in their community... you have to dress "right", speak "right", and act "right"... no mistakes, what so ever, are allowed... you have to keep on wearing an unreal smile on your face... you are shaking hands with people whom you don't know, you have to listen to their nonsense and act as if you are enjoying your time, and that the food is real great when you really can't swallow a single bite of it :) they introduce you to their daughters and sons, secretly aiming to arrange a "wedding" just to have your families get closer... no, not because they are interisted in you, but because they are interisted in what this "familial" union is to bring... you are just a "thing" or a way that is going to get them a step closer to where they want... in short, you are simply being tortured in a "classy" way :)

Just look at "you" when you want something from someone in a "higher" position... you are extreamly polite, extreamly nice in a sick way... things like "i love your neck tie, those colors are so alive!", and "you seem to have lost some weight sir"... you might say anything or do whatever it takes to get what you want, and if you don't, you usually start "saying things" as soon as you get out of the door... well, he's not any better than you are, he has probably done the same thing in another situation... but the truth is, it just makes me feel sick!

Am not any better either... i thought i was, but am not... i've been searching for a suitable training since january, i refused to get trained at one of my uncle's companies for it was against the rules... i decided to try to depend on myself and went to several local factories and companies... the answer i got never did change... "You are a GIRL!"... yes, that was the reason they gave me as an excuse... i wasn't even asked about my grades or skills... they didn't even care to look at my CV... i was told that i've chosen the wrong major... and yes, that hurts :)

i felt like i reached a dead end... i was running out of time, and had to find a way out... eventually, i asked my mother for help. She simply called one of her friends, and everything was set on the phone... within a couple of days, i got a phone call from the secretary "Your papers are ready, you can start working whenever you feel like it, feel free to choose the position you would like to be in". It felt good to know that i've finally found a place, but deep inside, i felt horrible... i don't really "know" my mother's friend, nor do i know her husband... i am now in debt for people whom i donno... i probably took someone else's place, and i absolutly won't be able to be myself at work... it's like an eye is going to keep on watching me all the time, and i have to act like "little miss perfect". I guess i'll have to live with my fake personality for the next 3 months... I just hope that it won't be as horrible as i imagine!

I keep on thinking that if i just waited a little bit longer, if i just kept on trying, i might have found a place, i might have earned the position that i'll be in... I didn't like the idea of having my mom asking others to do me a favour... it's not something that we are used to... maybe that's why it still feels so horrible :)


  • At Saturday, May 20, 2006 1:48:00 PM , Blogger Tala said...

    Dima, what are you talking about?!!!

    Congratulations, this is great news, you finally got do to your training. whats wrong with making couple of phone calls. i know its nicer when you do it your way but what other option do you have when 9 days are left for submission?
    do you think you are not good enough for it? the way you got there is the way and the only way to get to that specific company. ask me, two of my cousins work there. this is how things work there. and you should be happy about it because they dont take anyone and you are not anyone. YOU ARE THE BEST CANDIDATE FOR THIS POSITION EVEN YOU DESERVE BETTER.
    all the people who go for private sector firms use their Network of significant are you when you are in your 4th year of Engineering? do you think the 4/4 GPA are more welcomed?? not really? it all depends on the person. you wanna learn, so why not at the best place? its very natural. how do you think people graduate, find Jobs, or get to apply to masters, PHD degrees? Networking! and this does not by any chance indicate that you got other people's seat because simply its not charity and your employer is the one who knows best for the good of his company

    i dont think you were enforced on them by any chance. and heyyy come on.. why say that you are not what this position takes. YOU ARE AN EXCELLENY ENGINEER AND U KNOW IT, grades are never the margin and engineering is not grades neither.

    the only thing i would question, is how could this position be benefitial for you and your major and your graduation project. just that.

  • At Saturday, May 20, 2006 3:39:00 PM , Blogger Rain Drop said...

    Thank you Tala :)

    I know that they don't accept "anyone", and that's what's bothering me... they have no idea what am capable of doing, they know nothing about me... all they know is that am my father's daughter... would i really have gotten that place if i were someone else???

    It's not "me" whom they are interisted in... am going to be just another employee... it's the "choose whatever position you'd like to be in" that bothered me most... you never say that to anyone unless you are expecting something in return... unless they are just being extreamly nice for my mother's sake...

    How am i going to be useful to the company, and how am i going to benifit from this experience? i still have no idea... but i've got 3 whole months to answer my questions :) "Allah Yostor!"

  • At Saturday, July 08, 2006 3:20:00 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    anonymous1 :once upon a time i have met a nice girl(head covered+wearing jelbab) who is looking for a job in a company... after she told me that she wants to get a job in a company... i told her but u can't stay at the company for a late time(8 p.m)..every day ! " u r a girl" i told her ! she replied me " ma btefre2 ma3y... 3aady inshallah for 12 mid night !" i smiled widely and replied " now bejooz ma btefre2 ma3ik....but when u get married betseer tefre2 ma3ik.... so i advice u to study master a7sanlek" ....she didnt get what i was trying to tell her ! so i will explain what i was trying to tell her (THE GIRL):
    when worker girl gets married who will take care of her husband,her home,and her kids ... ! ME ?? or her husband !
    what if that girl got pregnant ! it will be a disaster for her BOSS coz she will take along vacation ...same time her husband will suffer if she will get back to work after due date.
    girl can have a job if it has short working hours ! and if her job respects her as a female ! some men r "free" and they dont feel jealous for having their wives working with men in the same office ! well im not "free"....
    for me i support worker woman.... but on conditions :
    1- short working hours if needed...(for house holds)
    2- polite job (no excessive mixing between 2 genders)
    3- permission of husband ! (is a must)

    im sorry coz my comment dosnt correspond to rain drop's post... but i would say: if im an employer i would prefer a man rather than a girl.... coz girl cant take big loads of work pressure ! and girl will get pregnant ! and she will put her baby... and she is the one who will take care of her baby... and maybe her husband will ask her to leave job ... and what if she gets pregnant again !
    in general...God has created woman as a weak creature..! havnt u asked ur self WHY ? even most accidents r caused by girls ! imagine if taxi drivers r girls ! what would happen! so girl wasnt created to work! she was created to take care of her family .

    im not against worker woman coz if im a girl i wouldnt stay home 24/7 ... but every body should know his job in this life!

  • At Saturday, July 08, 2006 3:33:00 PM , Blogger Rain Drop said...

    u have a point, but think of it this way,,, would u rather have ur wife going to a female doctor or a male doctor???
    would u rather have a female teacher teaching ur daughter (either at school or as a private tutor) or a male teacher???
    would u rather have ur daughter ride with a male taxi driver whom she knows nothing about or a female taxi driver? (and no, most accidents here are caused by men who overspeed carelessly )
    there are lots of cases where i think women should be envolved :)
    besides, what if the husband dies??? doesn't she have to earn enough money to pay for her kids education, food, and health care??? where would she get that money if she isn't even given the chance to work? or should she turn into a beggar and start asking people for money?
    we've been told that our uni degree is a weapon to be used in need, and that our main role in life is to get married, have kids and raise a family, but the truth is, after 20 years of not working, who would ever want to hire us??? our certificates would be useless...
    u can't just come and tell me that i've been wasting my time for the past 5 years, that yes, i was allowed to enter uni, but am not allowed to work... if you guys are against us working, why did u send us to universities in the first place???
    it just doesn't make sense to me :) i can't buy it!!!

  • At Saturday, July 08, 2006 6:25:00 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    anonymous1:rain drop i didnt say im against worker woman !
    yes i prefer female doctor! and female teacher......
    for me i wont impose my opinion ! coz understanding can solve every thing ! i wont impose my opinion unless its a critical case !
    but not all jobs r good for girl... u should consider that..
    if all girls r like u rain drop its ok ! but there r "free" girls who believe in friendship between girl and guy even after marrige!
    if its just a friendship baseeta :) men kotor ma besma3 el wa7ad 2esas be'7aaf 3ala his wife or his sister...ETC ! so if we say NO its coz we care not coz we hate !

  • At Monday, July 10, 2006 1:07:00 AM , Blogger Rain Drop said...

    it's nice to know that someone feels scared and cares alot about us, but sometimes, it just kills us!
    if u raise ur daughter in a well mannered way, if u teach her how to differentiate between what is right, and what is wrong, then i believe that she could manage to keep on going on in her life no matter what type of people surround her :)
    u can't always be there for her... u can only teach her how to be there for herself :) how to be capable of managing whatever it is that she might face in her life, and how to survive in this world :)
    we know that u don't hate us, but we just want to get a chance, is that too much to ask for?

  • At Monday, July 10, 2006 2:13:00 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    anonymous1: rain drop it seems u want to get a job '7awa ! but anyways as i said before if its a polite job then its ok ! for me i cant watch my wife or daughter with a guy in the same office alone for hours every day! I CANT ! its impossible ! but dont worry girls ! there r alot of free men :) or men who want money without giving any importance to his wife's job !

  • At Wednesday, July 19, 2006 10:36:00 PM , Blogger Rain Drop said...

    '7ayrokom man ta3alama al 3elm wa 3alamah :) a couple of years ago i said that i just want 2 graduate and sit at home, after all, am not responsible for providing money for my family... but then my uncle told me that it's 7aram to learn something and not benifit from it or allow others to... he was right :)
    if am not going to use what i've learned, then why did i learn in the first place??? ba3dain who said that we'll have to work with a guy in the same office alone??? there r lots of jobs out there filled with ladies :) and we wouldn't accept being alone with a guy in an office, it's against our believes and religion :)
    yes, i want to work, simply coz i'll die if i felt that am useless... that am just another copy of those old ladies who lived and died and no1 has ever heard of them...
    i look at my mom, she did a great job raising us, she was a wonderful wife and a brilliant mother, and God knows that her food is amazing, she's a gr8 person! but 20 years from now, we'll all be married, so busy with our own lives and families, and no one is going to be at home... it's true that we'll keep on visiting her, maybe once or twice a week, but it'll never be the same... and she'll have nothing to fill her time with... i just don't want to reach that point in my life... it's horrible when u feel that ur role has ended, that ur life is empty, and that u've turned to be, in a way or another, "3ebe2" on those surrounding you... i'd rather die on that :)

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