Private Thoughts and Imaginations...

Friday, February 24, 2006

The Ruby Necklace

i remember that i once wanted to buy a ruby necklace, for i had this beautiful rosy gown, but couldn't find something suitable to wear in my jewels box, and so, i went shopping with one of my sisters.

for weeks, i had no luck... they either didn't have rubies, or they didn't have the style i wanted... i was running out of time, the party was going to be held after a couple of days, and thus, i had to ask where would i find what am looking for...

"A jewelry gallery is being held in ****, go to Iran's section, you'll find lots of options there!". Filled with hope, i went, and there it was, a huge ruby surrounded by diamonds, it was perfect! and it was worth every dime i paid :)

weeks later, my cousin, who is fond of jewelry, asked to see my necklace... "How much did you pay for it?" "i got it for ***$" "That's impossible! a ruby this size, and such clarity would cost AT LEAST 100,000 $, you'd better go and check it"

"It's real" the shop owner said, and i jumped with joy! with a smile, he continued "REAL GLASS", the smile on my face faded, and was replaced by a disappointed look... "don't be sad, it's a beautiful piece of art, and honestly, i wouldn't have sold it for less than 4 times the number you've mentioned, wear it with confidence :) "

Later on, he explained to me a simple way to differentiate between real stones, and fake ones, he also gave me much information about diamonds and gold... i thanked him, and left...

deep inside, i just wished if there was a similar simple way to differentiate between people... a way to tell who is being honest, and who isn't... who loves you for who you are, and who loves you for what you own... a person who truly likes you, and someone who just wants to benefit from you... i am afraid... am scared of the idea that one day i might be fooled by the way someone looks like, the way someone acts like, someone that i'll spend the rest of my life with, to realize at the end that he's not the person whom i thought he was...

Friday, February 17, 2006

Trying to Smile :)

Yupiee :D a beautiful white morning, it's snowing, i was jumping with joy! NO UNIVERSITY FOR TODAY! the idea of that am finally going to get some time for myself to relax and finish the stuff i have to do made me smile :)

i called my little sister's school to check, and they said school was off, i tried to call my uni, but no one answered the phone... i wasted no time, and started working on my research, happy to know i'll have more than enough time to finish it today... BUT there is always the fact that things don't usually work the way we want them to, my brother woke up, and managed to contact our uni, he informed me that we don't have a day off, all i could think about was: "i've missed my 8am lecture and i only have less than 20 minutes to get dressed, drive all the way to uni, find a place to park, and run to the lecture!"

i couldn't find my black shoes, so i had to wear my 9cm high heeled boots instead, and with less than 5 minutes left, i really had to hurry up!

on the way, the guy who was driving infront of me suddenly stopped! the road infront of him was empty, and my car was about to smash his, i really wanted to give him a huge angry look and a big PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! but that's when his car moved, and i understood why he had to stop, a white pigeon was beautifully marching on the street, and i smiled :)

after climbing the famous stairs of engineering, i finally reached my class, i was 15 minutes late, and couldn't find a place to sit, i had to sit beside someone i don't really like... just then, a nice guy offered me a seat infront of the one am sitting in, which means a better view to the board, and bye bye to the guy by my side, but kindly, i refused his generosity, for i had caused enough disturbance by entering late, there was no need to cause more... i noticed that the doctor hasn't erased what he had written yet, i could still follow up with him, and again, i smiled :)

i still had to run to my next lecture, which was in "al-sharee3a", but running while wearing high heels on a slippery road doesn't really help that much! i had to enter late... luckily, the doctor decided not to give us a lecture, and off i went back to engineering with a smile :)

15 minutes to twelve, i still had time before my shift starts in the IEEE office, "great :D i have some time to put a plan for things that should be done for today!", while opening the door, a little piece of paper fell on the ground, a friend had passed us a note, we have to correct some data we have previously saved on the PC... directly, i headed towards the PC, switched the power on, and waited... nothing showed up on the screen!!! i checked to see if all the cables were connected, and that we had electricity, everything was in it's right place, still, the screen refused to work! scared of the idea that i might have burned a switch, a cable, or something else, i had to cry for help!!! i called the engineer in the office opposite to ours, and explained the situation to him... he was kind enough to see where the problem was and fix it, i thanked him, and smiled :)

lots of work had to be done by the end of the day... and with only 3 hours, it really seemed to be mission impossible! but with a partner like mine, things seem to be much simpler, and work starts to get fun :) the new aroma kit we got cheered us up, and lifted our spirits to start with joy... the rest of the group started to show up, it was nice to discuss things we did, things we have to do, and our ideas with each other... yet, our work wasn't being done as planned on schedual!

it's allready 3pm, i have an extra lecture, it's time for me to go... but i still have to pick a paper from an engineer before i do... on the way, i saw my favourite doctor, he's one of the few doctors whom i can really say i enjoy being in their lectures, so i stopped for a couple of minutes to say hi, and he told me that there is space for some more students in his class! isn't that the greatest news ever???

it was my last chance to sign for it, and i decided that joining his class was much much more important than the lecture am going to miss, so i went to the registration office, i didn't expect it to be so crowded!!! i asked someone who works there if i could still apply to a new course, he was extreamly mean, and without even tring to see if it's possible or not, he said NO (God, i hate this word!), i had to climb the engineering stairs again for the 3rd time this day, and tell my doctor it wasn't possible for me to join... he was sort of baffled! another student has just signed for his class... i was sent to the head of the engineering office, i got a paper from there, and went to the main computer department as i was told... as expected, they said they have nothing to do with it, and i ran back to the registration office...

"go to the 2nd floor", and off i went, a student was fighting with the secretary for he had been waiting for a long time to see the manager, while others who came after, were directly sent to him... i had to wait untill it was over... politely, i explained the case for her... "sign it from the science department", "but am an engineering student! what does the science department have to do with it!!!", "JUST GET THE PAPER SIGNED!".

the weather was freezing, i could feel my chin and cheeks get numb, i could no more feel my fingures, my legs really hurt!... "it's just a couple of more steps, you can do it!" and i finally reached the head office of the sience department... i entered with a smile, "excuse me sir, but could u please sign the paper for me???", "you are an engineering student, you have to sign it from the engineering department, i can do nothing for you"... feeling extreamly tired, and not really wanting to climb the stairs again, i asked: "what happens if i signed the paper myself??? afterall, it's just a signature!" he smiled, and asked me to go to an office beside the milkbar, "go to this lady, she can help you"...

happy to know that i don't have to climb the stairs, i found enough energy to walk to the prescribed department... a bunch of students were crowded outside, one of them told me that the office closed... "but it's still 4pm!", "well, they are still in, but they aren't allowing anyone to enter", frustrated, i kept on knocking, finally, a man opened the door, and i begged him to sign the paper... "we don't sign such papers here!", "but the head of the science department asked me to come here and ask (i forgot what her name is) to sign it!", he laughed, and told me that i can find her in the registration office...

back i went... and into the engineering office i entered, another mean man kicked me out... i asked him about her, "she's not here!"... a student standing out saw what happened, and told me where i could find her office... i knocked, tried to smile, and gave her the paper... "i can't add you to the class", "why not??? there are some places for extra students, the doctor and the head of the engineering department agreed, and all that's missing is ur signature!!!"

wanting to get rid of me and my nagging, she made a phone call, and explained my request to the guy on the phone, he told her there was no problem at all... pleased to hear such news, i smiled a winners smile, and seems to be she didn't like it at all, and down she wrote a note: "add her only if there is space in the class, don't sign her otherwise" , "go to the computer lab in the engineering department".

i only had 30 minutes left before they close the lab, and i really had to run back to engineering (one day, am really going to count the number of steps we have to climb each day!!!), there he was, a nice old man sitting behind the PC, registering courses for a couple of other students... i waited my turn... he looked at me and smiled :) he asked me about what i wanted, and in less than a minute, everything was over, i was finally signed for the class!

i headed back to the IEEE office, my partner was still working, i few more things were left to be done... finally, we managed to finish most of it, and sat for a couple of minutes to relax... it was about 6pm, time to go back home... yet, i still had to buy some things, and so i did...

i finally reached home, i greeted my mom, i tried to smile, but i no more could, i threw my self on the nearest chair i found, and with all my heart, i wished if i could cry, my feet were killing me!!!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Why is it so hard ???

i hated myself today... i've hurt someone's feelings, i had to, but what that person doesn't know, is that i was even more hurt...

why is it so hard to say NO... why isn't there a nicer way to refuse or reject things, a way that would never make us go through pain... the problem is that we sometimes can't explain... not becuase we're not given the chance, but because we know we're just going to make things worse...

i feel horrible, and yet, i still have to wear a smile on my face, and act as if nothing happened... as if my life hasn't changed...

it's amazing how two letters can cause such damage... how they can simply ruin someone's life, and take his dreams away....

someone once said:
knowing that there is worse pain doesn't make present pain hurt any less.


i wonder if we are ever going to understand the wisdom pain holds, or the message it has... i just hope that one day i will... i hope this day would come soon...

Monday, February 06, 2006

What's Next ?

It's funny how most people run after fame and money, after being the center of attention, being important and special, the desire of being great and powerful... or in other words, how we all seek perfection...

which leads me to a question, what is perfection??? does it even exist? can we ever reach it? if not, then why do ppl keep on trying when they know they'll never reach where they want???

i've been told that we're greedy by nature, that no matter how far we go, how much we accomplish or get, we're always going to want more... that our needs are never going to be fulfilled, and our standards are never going to be met...

i sometimes wonder if Bill Gates would ever stop wanting to have more, i wonder what does he want to do with all that money, is he ever going to be able to spend it? if we have more than enough of smth, why do we keep on wanting more???

i can't help but imagining that i've become extreamly rich, that i've invented a new powerful machine, or that i've painted the greatest painting ever, that i've written the most touching symphony anyone could ever dream of hearing... that i've published a great novel, or discovered smth amazing, imagining that i've fulfilled all my dreams... but i can't stop asking myself, what's next?

sometimes we lose ourselves, we forget to live, and forget to enjoy the little miracles and details that surround us in our daily lives... we forget who we are, and we no more care to spend time with our beloved ones, in hope to reach where we think we want to be... it's devastating to realize how much we've missed by the time we reach there, the horrible part is when we find out that we were where we really wanted to be, but we just couldn't see it :)

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Searching for an Answer...

a couple of days ago, my friends and i were discussing why do we judge people on the way they look like... and i discovered that most of us are not ready to change the first impression they have about others... i was one of them, untill i joined a forum, and i must admit that i've changed my whole idea about some people there, and am glad that some of them changed their ideas about me too :o)

my question is, why do we tend to judge ppl before we know them? does their appearance really reflect their personalities? do we do this to protect ourselves from what we don't know, or is it coz we are not ready to accept anyone who's "different" than us... i still can't tell why... life is full of questions and answers, but we simply don't know how to relate them both together, maybe someday i'd manage to find the right answer...